


All That Stays

by raysoftwilight



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, I need a hug, Peter Needs a Hug, Tony Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 16:38:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raysoftwilight/pseuds/raysoftwilight
Summary: WARNING: MAJOR INFINITY WAR SPOILERSAll that matters is gone, and all that stays is the emptiness Tony has grown used to feeling.





	All That Stays

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is a reupload of this story that accidentally got deleted.
> 
> If you like this story, please consider following my tumblr! You can find me at raysoftwilight.tumblr.com

Mantis disintegrates, falling to the ground in a pile of dust. Drax and Quill follow suit moments after, succumbing to the same fate. Tony is puzzled at first, staring at the piles of ash that took up the space. His mind races, desperately trying to figure out what happened and why. He glances to Dr. Strange, hoping maybe he has any clue what’s going on.  
He opens his mouth to ask, to plead for any answer, but Strange doesn’t let him. “Tony,” He says, an apologetic look in his eyes. He’s paler than Tony remembers, weaker. “There was no other way.”

Strange barely finishes before he disintegrates, the last glimpse of him Tony gets is the fearful look in his eyes. It’s then he realizes what’s happening, realizes that Thanos is doing exactly what he said he would- killing off half of the universe’s population. And he’s starting on Earth.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter’s behind him, calling his name. Tony feels his heart clench at the urgency in his voice. “I don’t feel so good.”

Tony turns, the fear and dread he feels plastering themselves on his face. Peter is wavering on his feet, an expression of pure fear contorting his face.  
“You’re alright,” Tony blurts, feels the sting of tears in his eyes and the lump forming in his throat. He stares at Peter, as though doing so will keep anything from happening to him. Nothing can change if he doesn’t blink. 

“I don’t-“ Peter’s voice cracks, reminding Tony of how young he is all of a sudden and making the fear in his voice weigh heavier on Tony’s heart. “I don’t know what’s happening.” He takes a step that Tony wishes wasn’t unsteady, draws in a breath that he wishes wasn’t hitched. He loses his balance, tumbling forward and colliding with him. He clings to Tony like a frightened child, and he realizes that’s what Peter is. A kid scared of dying, scared of something he can’t control.

_I mean, if anything, it’s kind of your fault that I’m here_

Peter’s words echo in Tony’s mind, reminding him that yes, he was the reason Peter was here. He was the reason Peter was clinging to him, dying and afraid, surrounded by their disintegrated allies. He feels his soul shattering at the thought that he could have saved him from this, could have sent him home and kept him safe. Peter didn’t have to be dying in Tony’s arms on a battlefield.

Peter could be home, playing video games or watching TV or whatever teenagers did for fun. He could be happy and laughing and a kid but instead he’s scared and in pain and so, so painfully grown for his age, choosing to fight against opponents he could never hope to defeat instead of being normal.  
“I don’t wanna go.” Peter’s voice is broken beyond belief and Tony can practically feel the tears running down his face. “Please, sir, please I don’t wanna go.” He weighs heavier on Tony now, using all of his strength to keep from collapsing onto the ground.

_It shouldn’t be you_ , Tony thinks, his arms burning with the effort of supporting both himself and Peter. And by god, it shouldn’t be Peter, nothing should be happening ~~to his kid~~ to the kid he promised to protect with his life if he had to. But there’s nothing Tony can do to save Peter, nothing he can do except hold him as he dies.  
He pretends he doesn’t see the dust flaking off of Peter’s arms. Pretends Peter doesn’t grow even heavier now that his legs are gone and his only support is Tony.  
“Please, I don’t wanna go,” Peter is begging for his life now. Peter is begging _Tony_ for his life now, as though Tony can magically make everything go away. And then it dawns on Tony that that’s how Peter views him, as someone who can take things that are wrong and make them right. “I don’t wanna go.”  
_I don’t want you to, either, kid_ , Tony’s mouth is full of cotton, the words sticking in his throat as he holds Peter, crying and afraid and dying, in his arms. He’s helpless in the worst way, only waiting for the inevitable to happen.

_It’s kind of your fault I’m here_

The words become painfully true now, as the last of Peter’s strength leaves him and he goes limp, his full weight now bearing down on Tony. Peter is young, not even half Tony’s age, but he is heavy and Tony can’t hold him up anymore. Peter collapses, a hand on his back following him to the ground. Tony’s other hand lands on Peter’s chest and only now does Tony realize breathing is _hard_ for Peter, his chest shaking with every breath. Whether it’s from the tears or the pain, Tony doesn’t know which is worse.  
Tony kneels, his mind numb yet fully aware of what is happening. He clings, desperately, to the thought that Peter could be okay, that Peter won’t die on a planet other than his own with only Tony to comfort him.

Peter’s eyes grow glassy, either with tears or death or both. His face grows paler than Tony knows it ever should be, and just the effort of moving his head seems to be too much. “I’m sorry,” he whispers to the person who should be apologizing. His body grows slack, his head lolling to the side as his body disintegrates into the ash that took Mantis, Drax, Quill, and Strange.

Tony loses his balance without Peter’s body beneath him and his bloody hand comes away from the ground with ashes. His other hand instinctively comes up to wipe them away before Tony realizes Peter is stuck to his hand. The remains of ~~his kid~~ the kid he couldn’t protect are stuck to his hand, as though reminding Tony that it is, in fact, his fault. Peter’s ashes on his hand, Peter’s death on his conscience.

It wasn’t fair, Tony realizes. It wasn’t fair to make Peter suffer, to force Tony to watch Peter die _painfully_ instead of quickly. Peter shouldn’t have had to beg for his life to someone who couldn’t give it back to him, to someone who so uselessly told him he was alright when he obviously wouldn’t be.

_I can’t be a father_ , Tony tells himself, allowing the grief and fear and dread to finally take their hold on him. He sits, his eyes shutting as he fights the urge to break into tears. _I couldn’t even keep you safe_ , he apologizes to Peter. Peter, who apologized to him for dying, Tony realizes, because Tony had told him Peter’s death would be on his conscience. Peter, who in his dying moments still cared about someone else’s well-being.

_Please, I don’t wanna go_

_It’s your fault_

_I don’t wanna go_

Tony feels a weight in his chest keeping him sitting in the dirt. He wants to stand up, to go find Thanos and get revenge, but he can’t. All he can do it stare at Peter’s ashes on his hands and feel completely, utterly _helpless_.

All that matters is gone, and all that stays is the emptiness Tony has grown used to feeling.


End file.
